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 Post subject: Fathoms Below, got so far
PostPosted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 5:32 pm 
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Well, here's what I got so far with my TaleSpin story, "Fathoms Below" (P.S. I re-worked the idea. So this is my third draft of the story. And I'm still re-working on it.) :

- We open to a big ocean and the Sea Duck flies beyond the sea.
- Baloo sits back while the plane's on auto pilot.
- Kit reads the newspaper.
- The front page says, "MONSTER! ANOTHER SHIP SUNK BY SEABEAST!". Baloo notices and asked Kit what was he reading about.
- Kit said that he was reading about the seventh ship that went down this month and was scared about it.
- Baloo begins to not believe there's something out there destroying ships and tells Kit not to worry.
- Stormy clouds come in along with a strong fog.
- Baloo grabs the wheel and tries to fly out of the fog and storm. But it was too late.
- Baloo and Kit crashed The Sea Duck in the middle of the ocean.
- Baloo looks for and repairs damages while Kit looks out beyond the ocean.
- Night time had come and Baloo finally fixed the damages to the Sea Duck.
- Strange glowing eyes in the water head towards the Sea Duck.
- Kit yells out to Baloo that the sea monster, from the papers, is coming closer.
- Baloo and Kit went inside and Baloo starts up the plane.
- They went up successfully. But the plane got caught by a grappling hook from the sea monster.
- Baloo gave all the Sea Duck power he can but the grappling hook was as strong like an octopus leg.
- The Sea Duck, unexpectedly, ran out of gas and crashed on the waters.
- The sea monster pulls the Sea Duck while Baloo and Kit still sit in the cockpit all scared as if it was going to eat them.
- But the sea monster turns out to be a VERY large submarine. Bigger than the Sea Duck and the Iron Vulture!

So that's what I got so far. I don't know if it's still good or not. Again, the submarine idea came from my favorite Jules Verne story, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea".

-RGC


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 Post subject: Re: Fathoms Below, got so far
PostPosted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 4:35 pm 
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Looks good; it's much mored detailed. The only comment I'd make is who owns that submarine and why is it taking the Sea Duck?


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 Post subject: Re: Fathoms Below, got so far
PostPosted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 11:34 pm 
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For the answer of the story of who owns the submarine and why is it taking the sea duck.

Here's the answer:

Captain Memo owns the VERY large submarine called, The Nauzilus (parody of The Nautilus from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea). He is a cat. And is 2 inches shorter than Baloo's height.

Why does The Nauzilus take capture of the Sea Duck? Because Baloo and Kit are witnesses to the actual fact that it's not a sea monster. It's a submarine. They become prisoners and the Sea Duck gets confiscated and was about to be part of scrap metal.


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 Post subject: Re: Fathoms Below, got so far
PostPosted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 3:07 pm 
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My 2 cents :

- That seems fine for the beginning of an episode, but it's too short (I know you're still working on it)
- Where are they headed to? Give more of the context
- A bit too predictable. Maybe it would work better as a comedy? (at least that scene, it could get more serious afterwards)

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 Post subject: Re: Fathoms Below, got so far
PostPosted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 4:01 pm 
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I am working on some jokes. I'm making Captain Memo's men be dimwitted.


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 Post subject: Re: Fathoms Below, got so far
PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 7:40 pm 
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Hello to all,

Sorry I didn't say much for the story. I was suffering from writer's block. If anyone wants to polish my "Fathoms Below" Talespin idea, be my guest.


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 Post subject: Re: Fathoms Below, got so far
PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 12:50 pm 
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RGC wrote:
Hello to all,

Sorry I didn't say much for the story. I was suffering from writer's block. If anyone wants to polish my "Fathoms Below" Talespin idea, be my guest.

I'd be willing to work with I don't have too much time on my hands but I could give you some sugguestions.


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 Post subject: Re: Fathoms Below, got so far
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 5:03 am 
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That sounds good. Just to say, I've came up with an ending that Baloo and Kit escaped the giant submarine by flying out and as Baloo and Kit returned to Higher For Hire, Rebecca asks where have they been. Then Baloo says, "Well Becky, I have a sinking feeling that it's a long fish story to tell you."

I've changed at the beginning that Baloo and Kit went fishing on their day off. They were suppose to go back but then the part with the submarine comes in.

That's all I've got.


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 Post subject: Re: Fathoms Below, got so far
PostPosted: Sat Jul 23, 2022 11:47 pm 
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